Out Through The Curtain

I have been thinking a lot lately and I have come to the conclusion that at this point in my life I am incapable of being in love. I’m not saying it will last forever and I’m not saying that I can’t love people, just the act of being IN love seems impossible for me right now. I can’t see myself changing any of the plans I have for my life for one person, or knowing that I can be with that one person for the rest of my life. It sounds selfish but it’s true. I would absolutely love it if it wasn’t, but it is. I have never been a very emotional person. I have an extremely logical mind set and over think absolutely everything. While that can be a good thing a lot of the time, when it comes to being in love that is quite the case. It is hard to fall head over heels when I use my head over my heart. Until I get to a point where I can let myself open up emotionally it will be near impossible to let myself fall in love with someone. If my heart even hints at it now my brain will go through every little possibility to find a reason why I’m not. Why? Because it keeps me safe. Just because I think someone could be the person I spend the rest of my life with doesn’t mean they will be. Things happen. People change. Nothing is ever a guarantee. But one day I’m going to be at a point where I can see that and say, “I don’t care.” For now, I do. So I will continue to have crushes, I will continue to want to go on dates, I will continue to want to be in a relationship, I will continue to live my life like I have been, but I don’t see myself falling in love anytime soon. But sometimes that is one of the best things about love, it comes when you least expect it.